As mentioned in my previous blog, if you’re hosting Christmas this year, you’ll be judged on the cleanliness of your home. And if someone in the fam doesn’t approve your cleanliness, odds are a dispute will occur.
YAY!! CHRISTMAS FIGHTS!! Said no one ever.
So before you reunite with your loved ones this holiday season, I found some pro-tips on how to avoid the common family arguments around Christmas – according to an expert.
How to avoid arguments on Christmas Day:
- Take responsibility for your own feelings and be aware of your own red buttons
- Accept that there is no reality in these situations; only perceptions and each person is likely to have a different perception
- Something over 60% of disagreements between couples are never resolved, so there is no perfect solution, also ask yourself: Do you want to be right or happy?
- Pause between stimulus and response
How to avoid arguments in the future:
- Create time where you can talk and listen to each other, free of interruptions
- If you sense that they are not happy, ask them how they are feeling
- Have a weekly ‘state of the union’ meeting where you can all share three good things that you have noticed between you in the last week and one thing that could be improved
- Deal with perceived problems quickly and openly; don’t sweep them under the carpet
- If something is annoying you, such as shoes piled up by the front door, explain how this is making you feel
How to overcome them if an argument breaks out:
- If you are feeling activated, press your pause button and say you will come back and continue the discussion in at least 20 minutes, when you have calmed down
- If someone else is getting activated, suggest they do the same
- Listen to what they are saying and try and understand their perspective
- Ask them how they are feeling about the issue and keep focusing on the feelings rather than the symptoms
- Once they have finished, summarize what you have heard and say that you understand their perspective (but you don’t have to agree)
- Then talk about ways in which this could be resolved and agree actions